The United States and Food

*THis has nothing to do with Nepal. Deal.*

Shehrish and I were watching Swansea City play Fulham last evening on an incredibly boring Saturday night when I randomly stated that I wanted to eat rocky road ice cream. Ice cream is available in Nepal (including Baskin Robbins) but we never eat it. We then somehow got onto the subject of the 50 states and Shehrish boldly claimed that she could name more than I could. Confident I could rattle off all 50, we both made lists until we could think no more.

After about 15 minutes of racking my brain, I was stuck on 46. I combed through sports leagues, settings of TV shows/movies and so on but was unable to get the remaining four. We subsequently compared lists and the states I couldn't think of were Missouri, Nevada, Kansas and Connecticut. The first two are inexcusable whiffs, as I've been to St. Louis and Las Vegas before. I should have gotten Kansas and Connecticut as well due to their basketball teams and it being March Madness, but 46 isn't too bad. Try it yourself, it's harder than you think. I later did the capitals for all 50 states and nailed a very respectable 42 of them. Mad credit to Mrs. McDougal(d?), my fifth grade social studies teacher who was a capital fanatic.

We then returned to the subject of food and what American cuisine I need to abstain from to avoid immediately gaining weight. Even though I was vegetarian for about a year around 2009 I still found plenty of fattening foods to eat. I feel like returning to the States from an Asian country is similar to how one gains the freshmen fifteen in college: an unfortunate aspect of adjusting back (or to) a new lifestyle where your food options are limited and soda(pop) or Natural Light replaces water as the predominant liquid consumed. We went over food and restaurants we liked and in the spirit of March I started to make a bracket before quickly realizing that it's impossible to compare McDonald's to Olive Garden etc. We divided restaurants into categories and compared/contrasted various aspects of them. I was amused as to how much disagreement arose but will do my best to convey both of our thoughts about the categories. I ranked them from best to worst, giving my opinion more importance than Shehrish's as I have more experience and have eaten in more areas of the USA than she has. Also, we left out restaurants that are exclusive to Winston-Salem to not make the blog too specific.

Mid Level Chains (best to worst)

I have to preface this by saying I'm not a fan of any mid level national chain, but we compared them regardless. It was a REALLY boring Saturday night. I remember a fraternity house argument where we argued about whether or not Red Lobster was trashy, and some people got really heated and accused the Red Lobster haters of being pretentious and elitist. In no way am I above these restaurants (except the last two), I just usually opt for other things.

Outback: Even at my most corpulent I would avoid Outback Steakhouse because the entrees are so blatantly unhealthy, but we both agreed that it stands at a notch above its competition. The Bloomin' Onion is what I first thought of and Shehrish mentioned their bacon cheese fries as her favorite. Suitable appetizers before eating steak or ribs; I've probably had Outback between 5-10 times in life and have left stuffed and feeling gross every time. But man is that Bloomin' Onion tasty.

Chili's/Applebee's: Shehrish thought Applebee's should have been ranked higher. I find them to be facsimiles aside from Chili's chicken crispers, basically chicken fingers that are probably fried two or three extra times giving Chili's a slight edge. I'm not even sure if the themes differ; I recall that Applebee's is all American nostalgia and think that Chili's is the same but could be wrong about that. I once stopped at an Applebee's for a beer after spending almost two hours during Christmas time in line at a Best Buy and sat next to a belligerent Santa Claus who started chatting me up for the better part of an hour about his life story and when Jesus saved him. It was a valuable lesson to never enter a drinking environment in the middle of the day, especially during the holidays. I don't know why I remembered this commercial but I'm glad I did. Pretty much summarizes why not to eat at Applebee's either:



Buffalo Wild Wings: I don't really think of this place as a real restaurant but they do have a full menu aside from chicken wings. The chicken wings are forgettable and the rest of the menu is atrocious. I ordered some steak ranch wrap thing one time and found it unbelievably salty. The upside to BWW is they have 60+ TV's. Shehrish and I made the bold decision to go to one on a Saturday night after seeing an advertisement for a UFC fight being aired at BWW. We lived nearby, I was flirting with UFC fandom at the time and Shehrish is usually game for new things. We arrived to a packed house around 9pm when the main event didn't start until 11 or so. I have never been more scared of a crowd in my entire life. UFC PPV cards really bring the nut jobs out of the woodwork and we entered into an environment of big, drunk, stylized t-shirt wearing military maniacs who got rowdier with every fight. Rednecks and alcohol are a lethal combination. I had to intervene on a couple of occasions as Shehrish likes to talk to anybody and I was scared for her safety. The atmosphere was most frightening around main event time when everybody was at their peak of intoxication. The fight was over in less than a minute and I have never been more thankful to pay a tab and escape with my life. My flirtation with UFC ended on this particular evening.

Friday's: Utter crap. I've probably had it more than once but only remember one time in Indiana when I ordered a cheeseburger or something and it made me sick. I remember this guy being their spokesman for awhile and will never eat there again. I feel like most people put Friday's on a higher pedestal and I've never figured out why.

Ruby Tuesday's: Terrible; only included to show that it is a notch above the lowest of low....

O'Charley's

(leaving the mall around lunchtime)

Kyle: Hey, let's try that O'Charley's, I've never eaten there before.
Shehrish: It looks terrible. You hate places like that.
Kyle: Yeah, but let's try it anyways. You never know.

I should have known. Shehrish couldn't eat her $12 shrimp dish and I struggled through spinach artichoke dip before also giving up, which I never EVER do. The fact that O'Charley's is able to do business is disgraceful. Perhaps the other mid level chains came together and agreed to make a restaurant so bad that it makes their food seem better in comparison. If so, then O'Charley's is a success. The painfully forced Irish theme added to my misery; if I were from Ireland I would be horrified at how Irish culture has been so exploited by Americans (by the way, Happy St. Patrick's Day everybody). Never go there.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention my affinity for Bennigan's, which we couldn't compare as Shehrish has never been to one. I don't remember how the food is and haven't been to one in probably ten years but I did see Scottie Pippen eating at one when I was seven or eight and have had a soft spot for it ever since.

EDIT: Just Googled it to see if they still existed and realized it's fake Irish themed...

I rambled longer than planned, burger joints/sub shops/'high' level chains and miscellaneous lists coming soon.