New Year's Eve, Top People of 2011

New Year's Eve was a blast. We went to a party hosted by family friends of the Thapas from Calcutta and spent the evening conversing and dancing around a fire to loud music. Around midnight, everyone gathered at the families altar for a makeshift ecumenical 'service' where everybody reflected on the past year and gave thanks for all of their blessings, past and future. It was a pleasant alternative to watching Ryan Seacrest and hoisting up plastic flutes of generic champagne as the big ball dropped. Happy 2012, everybody. (The rest has nothing to do with Nepal stuff)

I'm a sucker for any 'top 10' list where people/events/things are compared in terms of relevancy, quality, etc. I was not informed of the cancellation of a school meeting this morning so I had a good hour to think and map out the TOP 10 (became 11) PEOPLE OF 2011 TO KYLE. I kept the parameters of my list to things that I follow (sports, headline news, entertainment) so you won't be finding any impactful humanitarians or disease-curing scientists. I follow global happenings but didn't really feel like going back and doing any research on Euro politics or economic meltdowns. I thought about ranking the list but copped out and wrote this as they came into my head. Like Time magazine does for their "Person of the Year" list, I didn't shy away from including undesirables. Oh, and I don't feel like figuring out how to image size. Deal.

Honorable Mentions/Notable Omissions:

Amy Winehouse (sadly predictable)
Any US politician (yawn, same ol')
Osama Bin Laden (largely irrelevant in recent years)
David Stern (NBA has always been sleazy)

TOP PEOPLE: (no order)

Kim Jong Il:



Impressively avoided US muscle for years (even while being included on Dubya's 'axis of evil') whilst committing countless atrocities and locking up the title of Most Insane Dictator in modern times. Did just enough right to avoid getting stomped out, had incredible taste in fashion and was one of the few who always stayed fresh by continuously outdoing his own craziness. Given his track record, he died rather anticlimactically on a train due to health. Check out his Wikipedia page for some of his notable endeavors.

Charlie Sheen:



Perhaps you forgot about the interview. After 50+ hours of flying, I landed in Nepal and logged onto the internet to find it exploding with all things Charlie Sheen. The video demands to be funny and I wasn't disappointed after having to wait nearly 40 minutes for it to load. The rest was history, and it was impossible to avoid this man for a good six weeks, as even the Himalayan Times gave daily updates and oldTwo and a Half Men episodes played on Nepali TV as frequently as Law & Order reruns. Hopefully the video hammers home the message to today's youth that crack is still whack.

Robin van Persie:



I've always been wary of dudes named Robin but had to include RVP to acknowledge his successes and thank him for scoring almost every week, making both my EPL and total goals fantasy teams stress free and profitable. I gambled on taking him because he always gets hurt but has so far avoided injury. If you need a reason to start watching soccer, turn on an Arsenal match and watch this man do his job. He single-handedly makes Arsenal relevant.

Albert Pujols:



Is baseball slipping or did I just miss out on a lot of the coverage of this? Albert Pujols, one of the greatest players ever and the best of the last 10 years, won the World Series only to walk out on his lifelong team for more money to join the Anaheim Angels and help create the MLB's version of the in-trend 'dream team' concept, amassing superstars in the hopes of winning championships like the 2011 Miami Heat and Philadelphia Eagles. It would be like Kobe Bryant ditching the Lakers or Tom Brady leaving the Pats, only it seemed like a footnote on ESPN.com. Interest in America's Pastime must be fading.

Jerry Sandusky:

I don't follow college football but grew up in Big 10 country following the Ohio State Buckeyes and all things NCAA football. Aside from bringing down the winningest coach in history, Sandusky stayed plastered all over news sites as new allegations emerged and weirder things kept happening, like his willingness to give interviews and proclaim innocence while admitting to heinous acts. Hopefully this tragedy will lead to further awareness of child abuse and more conversations between parents and children regarding appropriate conduct. The social psychological phenomena in play are fascinating as it seems like a lot of people were in the know but failed to appropriately act (see Kitty Genovese) even in the face of possible child molestation. On a side note, this man ruined one of my favorite books of all time, Catcher in the Rye, as I reread it recently and the term 'horsing around' is prevalent throughout the novel. Gross all around, shame on humanity.

Saul Goodman:



Maybe my favorite supporting actor ever, Saul Goodman is the sleazy defense lawyer from Breaking Bad. One of myriad reasons for you to watch this show if you don't already. Check him out

Tim Tebow:



Made my list not for the reasons you'd think. I hate that the media has made him into a polarizing figure and don't care about what he does or what he believes in (as I am with any athlete), but I loved his stretch of comebacks and causing the statheads to explode with fury. I would go to bed for a good month knowing that I would wake up and read about another Broncos comeback where Timmy played like crap for three quarters but rallied his team to an undeserved win in the end. I'm sure it was forced down the throats of any American sports fan but I got just the right dose in Nepal. One guy even asked me about it, if I had heard of this "Tebow guy", and NOBODY cares about the NFL. Keep on ballin', Tim.

Rappers: (Lil' Wayne, Drake, The Roots, Kid Cudi)




I had largely abandoned rap music since middle school, when a bunch of us privileged white kids bought fake ice in Washington DC and memorized the likes of DMX and Master P albums. I don't remember what got me back into it, but about half of my iPod is now loaded with rap albums, past and present. I've realized that I've missed out on a lot of good music over the past few years and have enjoyed catching myself up. Being away from America for 8 months, I can't tell if liking Drake makes you cool or lame, but I'm all in. Give rap another try if you gave up on it like I did; there's a lot of good stuff out and Lil' Wayne and Drake are incredible.

Russian Kingpins:





Roman Abramovich, Mikhail Prokorov, Vladimir Putin. I've always been intrigued by the shadowiness of Russian power and the checkered pasts of the heavy hitters. Abramovich is one of the richest guys in the world, owns my favorite sports team (Chelsea) spends with impunity and has an extremely shady past. If I could trade lives with any human being on Earth, it would be him. Prokhorov is richer, bought the New Jersey Nets, is linked to prostitution scandals and overall shady dealings, is 6' 8" and is running for president of Russia. Putin likely rigged the election, was a gangster KGB agent and is one of the scarier human beings on the planet. A big year for Russian ballers.

Muammar Gaddafi (sp?):




Had a strong run as a global fugitive before getting whacked. Nepali papers aren't hesitant to show gore, and I was twice greeted with full-page shots of bin Laden and Gaddafi, half of their faces blown off. I didn't closely follow this story, but the sentiment in Nepal was that his demise was a result of the US again being unnecessarily involved with global happenings. Unlike Kim Jong, Gaddafi was a bit too flashy and could no longer be ignored. A bad year for dictators/terrorists.

Steve Jobs:



Apple products, you know the rest. RIP Steve, love your products.

Year in Review 2011, Trip to India, New Year's Goals

2011 was probably the most interesting year of my life, immersing myself into a completely foreign environment and adapting to a different type of lifestyle. Among the things I have learned...

Street Savviness: Spending my adolescence below the Mason-Dixon line instilled
the basic tenets of southern hospitality; I took cotillion classes, learned to foxtrot and waltz, started saying 'sir' and 'ma'am' to my elders and became generally polite to everyone to the point of being passive. Acting this way in Nepal will get you chewed up, spat out and broke faster than one can say 'namaste'. I've learned to be assertive and headstrong and don't accept rudeness from people anymore. I will cross the street without waiting for cars to slow down (playing lots of Frogger as a youth has paid off), aggressively haggle with cab drivers and merchants and have learned how to handle rude people. I used to allow the bank and immigration people to speak in their brusque, vulgar manner but have learned that almost everybody will become timid and withdrawn if you fire back at them. I previously blogged about some teenagers 'siccing' a pit bull on me as I ran past; the next day, I walked up to the leader of the pack and silently stared into his face without emotion until he apologized. There's a small chance that my newfound courage will lead to me being mugged and shanked but I've learned that it's the only way to be.

Eating with Hands: Lots of Nepali people eat their meals sans cutlery, preferring to eat foods such as rice with their hand. Having large fingers made this a difficult skill to master, but I am now fairly adept with eating meals by hand. The trick is the scooping motion from hand to mouth. I still prefer to eat with forks and knives though, as curries will stain your fingernails.

Multi-Tasking: Women often complain that men are incapable of doing multiple things simultaneously and I used to easily fall into this stereotype, but teaching a room full of 7-8 years for the past several months has empowered me with multi-tasking skills that I used to think were impossible. I can handle a disagreement, teach a new subject, prepare a lesson plan and check papers all at once without blinking an eye.

How to Stay Warm: Long Johns, a new scarf and hot-water bags have proven to be essential commodities to wintertime survival. I recently have been spending more time outside in the blazing winter sun, thinking that absorbing some rays and getting some pinkness would keep me warmer at night, but found that getting sunburnt only led to shivering chilliness. Spicy food offers temporary reprieve but not as much as you would think. I always weigh the pros and cons of showering at night, as the five minutes of intense warmth are heavenly but not worth the limb-chattering coldness that sets in as soon as the water turns off. Getting into bed and clutching my fancy hot-water bag has become one of the highlights of my day.

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After a fairly complex ordeal at the Indian embassy with an extremely rude secretary who refused to answer my questions, I now possess the coveted Indian visa and am flying to Delhi with Shehrish on the 14th of January. Americans and Russians have to pay twice as much as any other countries to go to India but whatever. Planned excursions include everything worthwhile in Delhi, visiting Rajasthan and possibly Agra, site of the Taj Mahal. The latter is out of the way and will be costly, but I'm leaning toward making it happen as it's the bloody Taj Mahal and I'll likely never get a chance to see it again. I am really looking forward to the food, as I trend toward more Indian dishes than Nepali and I have been told that the biryani in Delhi is fantastic. Contact me if you have any suggestions as to what to do in and around Delhi.

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New Year's Goals:

I prefer to make goals as opposed to resolutions as they're more attainable. For example, I could resolve to be more organized and less slobbish but I'd likely fail, as altering behavior can be difficult. So my goals for 2012 include (going from easiest to hardest):

Reading at least 50 books: I estimate that I read about 35-40 books last year but still waste a lot of time at night during the week feeling my brain atrophy by watching shows like Housewives of NJ and Kardashians when I could be reading instead. Setting the bar at 50 would be an improvement and is attainable with minimal effort. I made an organized list last June of things I wanted to read, and the next 10 up are..:

Ajax, the Dutch & the War by Simon Kuper
Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Persig
In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust
Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond
The Evolution of God by Robert Wright
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Shaq Uncut by Shaquille O'Neal
The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith
Breaks of the Game by David Halberstam
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

...all of which I would recommend from having read previous stuff by most of the authors.

Running a Half Marathon: A preemptive effort to mitigate the inevitable weight gain upon returning to the land of obesity and cheap, unhealthy food. Setting a running goal is daunting as I usually just jog for around a half hour but I have recently been extending my lengths and made it a good 50 minutes this morning before calling it a day. It's only 21 km; I prefer thinking of distance in metric terms as I grew up dreading having to 'run the mile' in PE class. I don't care about speed, I just want to finish it. This goal is less likely to happen than reading 50 books, but more likely than...

Learning to Cook (some stuff): From living alone in an apartment, I tried some things out but my cooking prowess is pretty much limited to boiling pasta for the proper length and microwaving the accompanying sauce, perhaps chopping up some onions and garlic to give it some panache. Every other cooking endeavor I underwent was mediocre to disastrous in quality. I don't think I'll go back to eating meat and really enjoy the foods I eat in Nepal, which means that I'll have to learn to cook them. Rice is easy enough with a rice cooker and I'm going to set the bar low by making it a goal to cook dal (lentils), tofu, vegetables and paneer the way l like it. It will be trial and error and I'll likely have to stomach some horrible results but am looking forward to trying. Real men can cook.

Publishing unedited due to lack of power, please excuse poor grammar this time. Happy 2012!

Christmas in Nepal

*I'm completely free until January 2nd when I start working at a winter camp, so expect a lot of lengthy posts. I'm getting some of my older blogs published in a Nepali newspaper starting in January and will link them when they get published*

Merry Christmas to one and all. John Dewey (my school) had a staff picnic in Dolalghat on December 23rd. The plan was to leave by 7:00 am so I had to get to school before then. Of course, the bus needed petrol and the pumps don't open until 8:00 so we ended up leaving around 8:40, hooray for Nepali time. After a two hour bus ride we arrived and set up our picnic area on the bank of a river. Breakfast consisted of aloo dum and buttered bread and afterwards we moved onto playing cards. My winning streak in marriage unfortunately came to an end but I only lost around Rs. 200. Lunch consisted of rice, roasted pork for the carnivores, paneer and the hottest mushroom chilly I have ever had. I can handle spiciness really well nowadays, but this level of heat nearly caused me to vomit. Our presence brought an array of scavengers looking for scraps of food, including children, dogs, cows and pigs. I threw a scrap of pork to a pig to see if it would it eat it and it did. Who knew that pigs could be cannibals? The day was a lot of fun despite my getting really sunburnt and was a nice way to unwind after a heavy couple of weeks of teaching.

Shehrish's family threw a birthday party for Uzir on December 24th which became my makeshift Christmas celebration. Shehrish's mom even made gammon (a rich ham) with cranberry sauce, similar to the pork tenderloin that my mother makes annually during Christmas. I even tried a small piece of it, having meat for the first time since this summer when I ate lungs to show my parents that it wouldn't make them gag. The meat tasted the same to me and gave me no digestive problems. I'm considering going back to eating meat as in America being a vegetarian will be extremely difficult and not nearly as flavorful compared to the veg options in Nepal. At one point in the evening somebody's iPhone was synced to a British radio station and I got to hear all of the Christmas music that I had been missing out on. December 25th was a bit lacking in terms of a traditional Christmas day. It was nice and sunny and I was active this year, going running and doing p90X yoga, the complete opposite of my usual Christmas day which consists of sitting on the couch eating cookies and alternating between Bailey's and wine. We did go out to dinner with friends and had a big feast of momos, biryani and paneer chilly. It was certainly a different Christmas being away from family and festivities but fun nonetheless. I was even treated to live NBA action for the first time since being here, watching the Knicks-Celtics game which started around 11:00 pm here.


My gift haul this year was purely utilitarian. I requested and received a fancy 'hot water bag' through our secret Santa exchange at school, tripling the warmth of my sleeping conditions and enabling me to fall asleep cuddling a felt-sheathed bag of boiling water for the rest of the winter. One of my students got me a new backpack, as she thought my old one was "not so nice". Another student got me a new coffee mug with my pictures on it, including the photo where I am with tikka on my forehead and looking completely awkward (on Facebook). Nisha got me my first scarf since I was a child so I no longer have to borrow one of my student's pink princess ones. The only things I missed out on this year was my annual re-up of toiletries that Santa leaves me in my stocking, including razor blades, aftershave, dental floss, deodorant and cologne. I guess Santa doesn't visit the valley and I'll have to make a trip to Bhat Bhateni.

I hope that everyone enjoys the rest of their holidays and makes the most out of 2012!

'Tis the Season

Bullet point blog, too early for coherent writing:

-The Christmas season is upon us but the lack of decoration and activities makes the holiday feel empty for me. I see a tree here and there at the touristy spots but nothing more. My classroom, however, has been thoroughly decorated with lights, multicolored tissue paper snowflakes, a tree, Santa and Jesus drawings and hundreds of Stars of David (inadvertent Hanukkah tribute) which creates a convoluted festive environment for me. The biggest thing missing is the absence of the music. The only Christmas song I've heard so far is an off-key version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" sung repetitively by my children as they've been learning it in music class. I am currently downloading all of my favorites as the season feels too weird without any Christmas music. I would have laughed in your face If you had told me that I would miss Christmas music when I left in March, but I do. I hereby renounce my recent Scrooge-like attitude toward the holiday; I want my candy canes, commercialism and Christmas parties back. And the NBA games.

-I'm also missing out my annual viewing of Holiday movies: Home Alone, It's a Wonderful Life, The Grinch (obviously the cartoon and not the horrific Jim Carrey one) and my favorite, Christmas Vacation. I've looked for them at the shops but there must not be a demand for the mafias to bootleg Christmas movies. I'm having to settle for Mission Impossible 4 which I'm none too pleased about.

-Explaining Christmas to my children has been difficult. Grade two has been tasked with conducting a Christmas assembly and I am in charge of putting on a holiday program that touches on both the Jesus story and Santa Claus while downplaying the religious nature of the tale. In a previous blog, I mentioned that some of the parents hounded me with questions as to my motivations for being in Nepal, as they suspected I was a covert Christian missionary with the intention of indoctrinating their children, so I've had to be cautious in what I present to the kids. I've eliminated all but one reference to 'God's son', as the story cannot really be told without it and the kids know the basics of Christian faith.

-While I've avoided the toughest question so far (Is Santa real?), Christmas has left me unable to properly answer some questions. While reading the Jesus story, I mentioned the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh given by the wise men. "What is myrrh, Kyle sir?" I told the child it was some sort of oil, which was kind of a guess. "Why did Jesus want oil?" I said back then it was used to make stuff. "But why would a baby want oil?" I said it was for Mary and Joseph and it was valuable. "Is Jesus God's son or Joseph's son?" I said God's. "But then why was Joseph there?" Because Joseph was Mary's husband. "So was Joseph mad that his wife didn't have his baby?" No, he was fine with it because it was God's wish. "How did God get Mary pregnant from heaven?" At a loss for words, I moved onto Santa.

-I tied the Santa aspect of the holiday by saying he brings gifts to good children, and that gift-giving is symbolic of celebrating Jesus' birth, etc. Some of my kids do celebrate the holiday with the stocking thing, and coincidentally, all of the kids who are 'good' in class get visited by Santa, whereas the 'naughty' ones don't. I told the children that celebrating Christmas is up to their parents, but they are convinced that Santa rewards the well-behaved children with gifts, which has led to better behavior from some of my naughty ones seeking Santa presents. I feel kind of bad knowing their efforts are all for naught but at least I have a quieter classroom.

-Be careful what you tell children; one of my girls asked me if I had Santa's phone number, as she wanted to tell him what to bring her. I was busy and nonchalantly told her to look it up on the internet, not thinking that in today's world that of course there would be phone numbers listed for Santa. She came in the next day and told me that she couldn't call him because it was an international number but had emailed a list of gifts to him with the assistance of her parents (which was then, of course, sent to her parents). Fortunately the parents didn't mind.

-The weather is reminiscent of winters in Illinois/Ohio, as it's cold all the time and there's no central heating. Illinois/Ohio weather is definitely colder, but the absence of heat gives the nod to Nepal in terms of overall coldness. My classroom is located on the top level of the building facing away from the sun and we spend our mornings seeing our breath inside and shivering away. I have been doing a lot of lessons on the outdoor terrace where at least we get sunlight. I always run after school and sometimes do P90x as well, but have been doing a lot more of the P90x program as afterwards I retain the feeling of warmth from exercising for a good hour or so. Kind of strange to internally feel warm but be literally steaming after a workout. The only negative part about losing substantial weight (sick brag!) is I'm without my excess insulating blubber, meaning I'm cold all of the time. At night, I sleep with a 'hot water bag' which provides me some coziness. I actually appreciate the cold in the morning as it forces you to get up and move around to get warm.

Happy Holidays to all, enjoy yourselves and don't get annoyed at the traffic, long lines, music etc. You would miss it if it wasn't there.

Small World

I now have a better 'small world' encounter than you do, guaranteed.

I went out last night to Lazimpat to watch the Chelsea match and to later meet up with people in Thamel. A cab with passengers pulled up and the driver told me to get in. I have never 'shared' a cab before, but it was cold out and I had been waiting for some time already. While negotiating price, the couple in back (Americans) started asking me the routine questions until we got to where I am from. I'm not sure how to feel about the following exchange (which I swear on my dog's life happened verbatim):

Husband Guy: Where are you from?
Me: NC
HG: We used to live in Winston-Salem, but all of our family is in VA.

We then talk about Winston-Salem things for the next 5 minutes. I learn that they used to have a lake house near Roanoke.

Me: How strange, my family has a lake house near Roanoke.
HG: Smith Mountain Lake?
Me: ...yes, in Union Hall.
HG: What a small world! We vacationed there this summer! Have you eaten at Mexico Viejo (completely generic Mexican)?
Me: Yes, many times.

I ran into two Americans who used to live in Winston-Salem AND had a house on Smith Mountain Lake while in a cab in Kathmandu. I'm sure I came off weird to them because I was genuinely weirded out. While discussing Mexico Viejo, a small part of me thought I was going to be kidnapped or worse because seriously, what are odds of this scenario ever happening? I lied about living in Baluwatar, saying that I was only visiting a friend because I had no idea what was going on. They had only been in Nepal for a month but both spoke Nepali fluently. Both said they got language training before moving to Nepal for the guy's job. I joked about how utterly bizarre it was to run into them but they didn't seem at all rattled. If I go missing within the next few days, contact authorities and tell them that two white people have me, because this is either one of those bizarro 'small world' encounters or some calculated attempt to...abduct me or something? Given that I remain free, I assume that they are who they say they are, but I have been completely aware of my surroundings ever since. If they are out to get me, I'm sure they have access to my blog, so know that I'm on to your scheme!*

*The sheer impossibility of this encounter leaves me puzzled and creeped out; I'm partially writing this to protect myself, as I can't wrap my head around the strangeness of it.