Shehrish and I went on a ‘golden triangle’ tour of Jaipur and Agra over the last two days, having already seen the third leg of the adventure from touring in Delhi earlier on our trip to India. In an attempt to familiarize myself with the social media zeitgeist of today and to save myself the mental strain of remembering everything from a tiring excursion, I ‘tweeted’ the ongoing happenings, gave arbitrary time estimations/hash-tag remarks and feel like they give an accurate, condensed summary about everything we did and experienced. I find Twitter annoying because it promotes bad grammar and most daily accounts of life are boring but I may open an account to avoid becoming anachronistic.
Jan. 29
6:59 am – Our Indian driver smells, well, horrible. #oldspicebro
9:02 am – Indians eat heavy, spicy foods (puri bhaji) for breakfast. #indigestion
9:05 am – Western toilets! But was told by a bathroom attendant that the toilet paper was only to clean the sink. I feigned a Spanish accent and ignored him. #nocomprende
11:29 am – Realized I haven’t slept on a soft, plushy mattress since leaving USA. Almost feels wrong.
12:09 pm – Jaipur: pink, hot, sandy. #indiandesert
1:46 pm – Saw camels, elephants, water buffaloes, monkeys and wild parakeets on a short stretch of highway to Amer Fort. Probably won’t happen again in my lifetime.
3:02 pm – Lost in the fort. Not kidding. Should have hired a guide
4:34 pm – At Jantar Mantar. Took a class on early Muslim science but too tired to think about astronomy and math; nice for photography. Will research later. #Wikipedia
5:19 pm – So easy to knick-knack your money into oblivion when everything is Rs. 100. At Hawa Mahal. #decorativecrap
7:26 pm – Waiters at hotel’s restaurant/bar dress like western cowboys. Highly amusing.
8:01 pm – Our waiter asks me for a piece of gum, struck me as odd.
8:17 pm – Veg pakora with mint chutney, weird but good.
9:36 pm – I ask a guy where I can buy toothpaste. He offers me opium. #yikes
Jan. 30
5:51 am – Loudest hotel I have ever stayed at; marble floors apparently have the ability to amplify the flight patterns of moths. #badacoustics
7:54 am – Continental hotel breakfast is India is comparable to average US hotel except with undrinkable coffee. #sickoftea
11:19 am – Topography on route to Agra akin to driving through rural Indiana except 1000x more people and fields of mustard instead of corn. #yawn
12:42 pm – Guy stopped our car and gave five minute spiel about how we needed to hire him as a tour guide. Said ‘no’ probably 74 different times; guy was undeterred. Offered him Rs. 50 just to leave because he frightened me with his intensity. Rejected the handout, still insisted on guiding us for Rs. 50. Nuts.
1:34 pm – Lunch at government restaurant in Gulasthan suggested by driver tastes like cafeteria food and is priced like 5-star delicacies . #disparity
2:02 pm – I’m not tipping you for escorting me to the toilet from inside the restroom. Feel like carrion to the vultures looking for handouts. Sounds harsh but unbelievable how many people are looking for your money.
2:46 pm – French people suck*
This is where Twitter fails and thoughts require expansion. Having taken social psychology, I am aware of schema models and consciously avoid falling prey to them, but riding to Fatepur Sikri on a bus full of old French people with nauseating perfume and oxidizing skin confirmed every negative stereotype I have ever heard about French people in less than five minutes. Shehrish was almost knocked over by a rotund lady who lunged forward out of turn while loading onto the bus, which caused an outburst in French followed by derisive laughter from fellow Frenchies. Upon speaking English on the bus, a couple turned around and gave us the most condescending, nose-thumbing stare I have ever gotten in my life. I muttered ‘pretentious a*******’ to Shehrish and got more stares. The ‘deranged witch’ look must be in vogue, as most of the women looked like they rolled out of bed and arbitrarily applied gel to haircuts like mine in length. Oh, and somebody lit up on a smoke-free bus. The smugness emanating from these people was palpable. Stereotypes exist for a reason; always be polite, France!
4:44 pm – Agra is best described by the image I just saw of a water buffalo covered in dust and mud struggling to pull a cart through a crumbling road. Taj Mahal gives new credence to the phrase ‘diamond in the rough’
5:31 pm – Hotel room has a mini bar with hazelnut cream wafer cookies* and Kingfisher beers. #midnightsnacking
*I’m talking about those wafer cookies that come chocolate/vanilla/strawberry in America in brick packets but oftentimes are dry or of low quality. If you find a good brand, you’ll eat the whole package and will be left wanting more. I can say unequivocally that Nutro hazelnut wafer cookies are the best cookies that I have ever had. Don’t be fooled by the name, there’s nothing nutritious about them. They’re made in Dubai and I plan on filling my suitcase with them when leaving Nepal. Imagine fresh Nutella spread between two perfect wafers but slightly less sweet, I’m almost salivating from typing this.
7:17 pm – “A teardrop on the cheek of time”, slogan in Taj Mahal prep video feels cheesy and dated. #marketingupdate
8:33 pm – Dinner of cauliflower kababs and rice, yum.
10:21 pm – Prepping ourselves for one of the wonders of the world by watching the renowned Snakes on a Plane on edited HBO. *MFsnakesMFplane!
January 31st
7:02 am – Grilled tomatoes and some sort of yellow mash made for a tasty breakfast.
7:43 am – I thought I was used to being accosted by vendors/hawkers/beggars/fake guides/rickshaw drivers etc. from yesterday
8:14 am – Taj Mahal = WOW
*Shehrish and I discussed the previous evening about what we thought it (Taj Mahal) would be like in person. I told her that my expectations were insanely high but thought that I could accurately conceptualize it. I was wrong. I have never been more visually blown away by anything manmade in my entire life. The most amazing view is right when you enter, as it seems like it is right in front of your face and it feels alive, like some sleeping giant heaving with massive breaths. The reflection from the pool adds to its grandeur and the contrasting colors of red sandstone of the adjacent mosque/tomb to the left and right of the marble structure give it an almost supernatural look. The shadows from the sunlight give it a four-dimensional feel and the sheer magnitude of the structure is realized as you approach it. We had to slip covers over our shoes to enter the mausoleum, presumably not to dirty the marble floor. Photography was not allowed on the inside but there wasn’t much to see aside from a pair of cenotaphs that were barricaded. The inside was lit with a hanging fluorescent light. Apparently you used to be able to go beneath it to see the actual tomb but it was closed off for safety reasons, as scientists believe the Taj Mahal is sinking. The Persian writings over the doorframes are gorgeous. It took around 22 years to build and I imagine people worked 24/7 throughout the construction. The ‘cheek of time’ must be fairly sizable to accommodate such a gargantuan tear. See it if you ever have an opportunity in your life; I will refund your money if you are disappointed. It surpasses all of the hype and photos cannot begin to do it justice.
I’m retiring from touring for a minimum of two years after seeing the Taj Mahal. It’s been a great three weeks of on and off touring but I can’t do it anymore and I can’t envision anything more spectacular than what I just saw. No more tombs, no more monuments, no more museums for two years. As I type this I would turn down a private tour of the Louvre from a reincarnated Leonardo Da Vinci if he were to come calling.
(I hope I used ‘zeitgeist’ correctly; I came across it in a book today and have been imagining Germans downing pints and shouting it ever since.)
